The Grieving
by skinnyrita
Summary: After Sirius dies, Remus can't grieve. Slowly he becomes a shell of himself. Will Snape get to him before it's too late? SSRL


The Grieving.

"How long has he been like this?"

"Almost a month and a half. since the funeral. he got very bereaved. at first we thought he was looking after buckbeak. then he stopped coming for meals. the full moon was... well, let's just say it was bad. worse than i've ever seen it and that's a fact."

Could the man on one side of the big double bed even hear what they were saying? maybe. it was hard to tell. Harry pushed away from the doorframe and followed Tonks back down the hallway, dissappearing downstairs. On the bed, Remus Lupin did not stir. He was not crying. He had not cried. He could not cry.

_"He's gone. He's gone."_ his own words to Harry were echoing daily, nightly in his head.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

_"It's that bat, hovering around, isn't it?"_ Oh God, Sirius had been so accusing that day. _"Why's he sniffing around you, Remus? I can tell -I'm not blind."_

_"There's nothing going on between Snape and myself, Sirius. I wish you would drop this."_

_"Don't you pull the 'tired out' act on me, Remus, I know you too well. Don't you see the way he's been looking at you?"_

_"He's allowed."_

_"Allowed! Remus, if you think I'm going to sit by and-"_

_"Sirius. You have forgotton: you and I are no longer together. Now, I am not with Severus. I don't expect you to believe that, but if you hold any trust in me, you should."_

_"What did I see earlier then? If that wasn't a moment, I don't know what is. He was holding your _hand, _Remus. he was holding _both _your hands. And you were letting him."_

_"It wasn't a moment."_ Oh yes, it had been though.

888

When Severus Snape arrived at No. 12 Grimmauld Place in the late evening, he was surprised to see Harry up and ready for his Occlumency lesson. He was astounded by the performance. So, this is what Potter can do when he puts his mind to it.

"You have shown soem dedication, Potter. I shall return tomorrow."

"Professor?"

"What is it?" oh, cold, detached voice. It hid a multitude of forebodings.

"It's Remus, er, Professor Lupin, I mean. I was hoping... I was wondering if you might see him. If there's a potion or something."

"Potter, I do not waste my evenings here to entertain the werewolf."

"Sir," Harry's fists clenched at his sides. Snape noted it and paused. The boy seemed unnaturally agitated. "Sir, since I've been here, nearly a fornight now, I haven't seen him move once. he doesn't get out of bed, he doesn't change position. Always the same position, lying on his side on top of the covers on his bed, facing the window."

Snape's face flickered once with the merest hint of compassion. He was a good spy. Harry noticed nothing. "Show me this spectacle."

"Will..." Harry plucked up some courage. "Will you be nasty to him?"

"If necessary," said Snape, shortly.

They stood on the threshold of the room. Remus did not acknowledge them. "Has he grieved yet?"

"I... I don't know. But i know that he doesn't sleep. And when he does drop off for a minute, he wakes up again after about ten minutes and just stays there."

"Go to bed, Potter."

Snape made sure Harry was down the corridor and out of sight before closing and magically locking the door. "You must have a bladder of steel, Lupin," he remarked, dryly.

"I couldn't keep him in the house."

Snape didn't need to ask who Lupin was talking about. He needed to help him keep talking. He gauged the situation carefully and remained by the door, leaning on it. "Lupin, you couldn't have kept him out of the house."

"That's the same thing."

"No, it isn't. He was a grown man. He knew his own choices."

"I killed him long before that. He was so angry. We were so bitter towards each other, near the end. He thought I was trying to order him around. perhaps I was."

"Lupin, this is unhealthy. I demand that you pull yourself together. I have no time to waste on your ridiculous allegations. Why, anyone would think you had gone after him with a knife."

"Sometimes I think, if I lie here long enough, I'll be able to carry on arguing with him again."

That spurred Snape into action. And he was a man who did not like to be rushed. Wrapping his robes about him defensively, he stalked over to the bed, round to Lupin's side. The man was staring dully at nothing. New streaks of dark grey had appeared in his tousled hair- despite himself, Snape was struck by how distinguished they made the man appear. "Lupin, if you will not help yourself I will be forced to do it. get up. Get in the shower. You're a mess. After that I am going to make sure you have a proper night's sleep. If you do not get up I will drag you in there and undress you myself, and believe me, that would not be pretty. I am not always a careful man."

Lupin gazed up at him. He felt his breath still for a minute. Oh Lupin, for such a beautiful man you don't half look a mess right now.

"Alright, Severus. I can't fight you as well."

And he complied.

Snape was standing looking out of the window at the dark street. He turned at the sound of Remus' still drying feet pattering from the bathroom. He turned quickly, on his guard. Always on his guard. Remus was wearing a brown, very tatty dressing gown, tied at the waist. it accentuated just how thin the man had become. Snape took a hesitant step towards him, noting a flash of some emotion in the werewolf's eyes. What that emotion had been, he couldn't tell. They were both good at hiding things from the enemy. Closing off faces; blanking out feelings.

"I know you've been hurting yourself."

"I haven't been hurting myself. I haven't moved at all. I heard Harry tell you so."

"I didn't mean in human form."

"Leave me alone, Severus. I'm tired."

"Then why don't you try sleeping."

"I...can't." Stop hanging your head. Damn it, stop. My heart can't take it.

"Sit down on the bed. I want to check your wounds."

Don't recoil. I can't stand it. "...Severus..."

"For God's sake, Lupin. I'm not going to touch you. Don't you trust me?"

"I-"

"I am giving you my word, Lupin. I am not going to touch you. I promise." Unless of course, you want me to. How preposterous. Stupid brain. Shut up for a minute. The man is in pain. Oh Merlin, I've located my heart.

"Alright, Severus. You are the voice of reason."

"Apparently so." Snape hissed quietly. "Sweet Salazar, Lupin... aren't you in pain? Oh God...that one's... deep. I. Can't you feel the pain?"

"You have no idea." dead voice.

"Well I'm going to have to heal this, Lupin. Let me get to your back." Good. Businesslike.

"You do it."

LUPIN I CAN'T. I can't undo your dressing gown. I can't sit behind you on the bed. If you realised what you're doing to me... oh my god, that's even deeper than I thought. What, were you just waiting to Die? What would i do if you died? What? What would Potter do? What would any of us do?

"You truly are a man... of your word. Severus, won't you touch me?"

Snape scrambled off the bed and strode back over to the window. His veins tingled. He felt a hend reach inside his chest, between his ribs, and start ripping things apart. "I won't take advantage of you, Lupin. Go to sleep."

"He thought we were together, you know. Severus...Severus: turn around."

Damn, stupid Snape. Why are you turning? You need to walk out. I can't stand this anymore. Lupin is a lot closer than he was a minute ago. Should I stop you undoing the buttons on my robes? Too late. Don't touch my skin: I'm burning. Too late. Oh, stuff it. Kiss my neck. Do whatever you want to me: just do it.

"Lupin... I... Lupin..." Snape did not like being speechless. ...under normal circumstances.

"If you won't touch me, Severus, by God I am going to touch _you_."

Lupin backed Snape into the bed, pushing him down on it. Demanding. Oh ...oh. Something inside Snape snapped. Lupin found himself underneath the man of iron resolve. "You've made me break my word, Lupin. I don't do that."

For something that had started out so heated, the night became slow, steady, almost like regaining an old rhythm long forgotten. Even though it was their first.

"Severus... Severus... Severus..."

"Stop saying my name like that, Lupin, unless you want me to come too soon."

Severus Snape could always be relied on to say something practical, in any situation.

"God... Remus..." but, I never say his name. Call him Lupin. Call him Lupin and then I won't mind so much if he wants this to be a one-off. "Remus... fuck, Remus..." damn. I'll never get over him now.

Later Remus cried. He grieved. He slept.

However, when he woke up, he had a shrewd suspicion that Snape would be there still. Just lying there. Sleeping. One arm slung possessively over his chest: a welcome weight.

Maybe he didn't want to die after all.

888

Tonks entered the kitchen, bearing a tray.

"I thought you were taking that up to Remus?"

"I, um." She blushed. Harry raised an eyebrow. "I think he'll come down when they're ready. When- when he's ready. Obviously. He- they- I think i'll just put the kettle on, shall I?" She turned her back on him, quickly.

Harry smiled shrewdly at the ceiling.

Yes, his occlumency was good. He had a feeling Remus would get better now. Suddenly, he frowned, and screwed up his face. Oh boy, I don't think I want to read Snape's mind for a while.

The end.


End file.
